


An Anchor In The Darkness

by wickedwitchcraft



Series: Frostkeeper ficlets [1]
Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe
Genre: Angst, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Mentions of Thor and Valkyrie as well, Past Abuse, all the things loki went through with thanos, frostkeeper, i just fell into this pair and well this happened
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-15
Updated: 2018-03-15
Packaged: 2019-03-31 20:38:31
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,708
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13982907
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/wickedwitchcraft/pseuds/wickedwitchcraft
Summary: Loki has horrible nightmares. Heimdall sees them, as he sees everything, and helps him.





	An Anchor In The Darkness

He wakes in the dark, clinging to his sheets, breath heavy, chest tight, just like always. He keeps his eyes squeezed shut for a long time. Too long. His heart beats faster and faster as the fear of what he might see when he opens them fills him. The dread nestles in his chest, dark tendrils curling around his heart and squeezing until he can barely breathe. Loki forces his eyes open, pushes himself so hard his nightstand slides three inches across the floor, and breathes out finally, hard, like he’s been punched in the chest.

What he sees calms him. It’s just his room. No stars, no debris, no broken spaceships, no one there to torment and torture him. Just his room. His small space that the avengers had been kind enough to let him have on earth. He hadn’t expected it. Hadn’t _deserved_ it. But they’d let him stay all the same. Him, Thor, and all of their people. They’d given them a home. And he should feel safe. But he doesn’t.

He never does.

Not in the dark.

He closes his eyes again, they flutter back open almost immediately and he growls at himself in the dark.

“You’re being foolish. There’s nothing _here_.” He whispers to himself, slamming his hand against his mattress in frustration. He could do this all night. _Has_ done this all night. Night after night, lying in the dark, refusing to turn on the light, he was bigger than that. He refused to let his memories win.

He laid there, staring at his wall in the dark, his eyes focusing and un-focusing on nothing in the darkness.

His hand clenched back around his sheets when he heard his door knob turn. He watched the sliver of light from the hall grow across his wall and then blinked once at the shadow that filled the patch of light. He watched the shadow stand there for a moment and then shut his eyes, knowing that he was hiding nothing. He couldn’t. Not from him.

He watched the light disappear through his eyelids and heard the door close. His bed dipped and he bit his lip gently to stop himself from gasping out the breath he was holding. No matter how many times he came to him, Loki would never be used to it.

~***~

It had started about a month after they’d gotten to earth. Thor, Loki, Valkyrie and Heimdall had all been offered rooms at the avenger compound, Loki’s place there had been more a mandatory thing, than an offer, but he’d accepted without argument. Valkyrie had declined, staying with the Asgardians until they got settled, not wanting to leave them without protection. Heimdall was always coming and going, he a had a place with the avengers, but was also at home with the Asgardians. He moved back and forth as needed.

A month after they were settled, he apparently decided he was needed in Loki’s room. He came in silently, as he always did, and settled on the bed next to Loki. He asked if he could stay, his words quiet, but seemed to ring out through the silence in the dark. Loki hadn’t trusted himself to speak, there was darkness curling around his heart and a sob lodged in his throat, strangling him. So he’d nodded. Heimdall’s hand had moved slowly to his shoulder. Loki jumped. Heimdall apologized. And then Loki had drifted off to sleep. He’d had no further dreams and woken to the sun shining through his window and an empty bed.

Every night since then, the nights when it was bad, when he struggled. When he woke up tangled in the violence from his past, Heimdall came to him. Silent and comforting.

~***~

He relaxed his hand as he felt Heimdall lean over him, knowing, as he always did, that Heimdall knew he was awake. But he still felt he must hide. Heimdall’s heavy weight settled down on him, warm and welcome, as it always was, but his silver tongue betrayed him. As it nearly always did.

“If you’re attempting to smother me the pillow might work more to your advantage.” Loki said, his voice tight.

“If I were going to smother you, you’d be dead already.” Heimdall said calmly, not at all phased by the man beneath him. His voice rumbled through Loki as he spoke and he bit his lip again. Harder this time.

“It was just an ob-“

“An observation, yes I know.” Heimdall said idly, not letting him finish. Loki huffed.

“You could try being…less observant.” Heimdall suggested, his hand moving to rest warmly on Loki’s shoulder. Loki’s eyes flutter closed as the touch and then snapped open again.

“Be less observant? That’s a tad bit hypocritical coming from you isn’t it?” Loki scoffed, moving his head a little, giving only the smallest motion to show that he was attempting to look at the man who had come into his room in the dead of night and settled himself on top of Loki like that was where belonged. Loki pushed away the voice in his head that kept telling him that maybe Heimdall _did_ belong there.

“I can go if you’d rather.” Heimdall said, his voice a lower rumble than Loki recalled, he pushed himself up off of Loki. Loki’s eyes widened and he stared at Heimdall’s hand near his head. He watched the hand retreat and swiftly followed it with his own. His cold fingers wrapping around Heimdall’s wrist, he looked at the man in the dark, barely able to see anything but his eyes. Loki took a deep breath and shook his head, once again afraid to speak.

Heimdall hummed, pleased, and pressed his palm against Loki’s chest, pressing him back onto the bed. Loki pushed himself up a little, making more room for Heimdall. He saw the man smile at him before he lowered himself back onto Loki. He rested his head on Loki’s chest this time. This was new. He’d always laid on Loki’s back before. And Loki had never spoken before either. Something was different this time. Loki was certain it was him. And the feeling that was now twisting around inside him.

~***~

He was terrified of sleep. That’s what he refused to admit to himself. The darkness wasn’t just darkness. Loki knew that now. The darkness was full of monsters, of which _he_ was the most insignificant, and they had more ways to hurt you than anyone could ever imagine. He would lay in bed and fall asleep. And then keep falling.

He’d fall from the Bifrost. He never should have let go. But he had. And he’d fallen, fallen into space, fallen from grace, he’d fallen in every sense of the word.

And then he had landed.

Been snatched from the stars, not by a savior, but by a sadist full of the darkest darkness Loki had ever seen. His eyes swam with it as he poked and prodded Loki like a toy. Sending him to Earth to do his bidding in the end.

He’d gotten away. That was what mattered. But the darkness. It echoed. The darkness echoed through his head, his owns screams drowning him in terror every time he fell asleep. He would fall and fall and fall. He lay in bed, floating through the horror and pain like a ship lost at sea.

~***~

Heimdall was an anchor. Loki blinked slowly in the dark, looking down at the man resting on his chest. He clenched his fist at his side and then slowly moved his hand up. He took a shaky breath and moved his hand over Heimdall’s hair, letting his fingers come to rest on his neck. He felt him shiver at the cold touch and nearly pulled away. He squeezed his eyes shut and forced himself to keep his hand there. To be brave in the dark. Heimdall shifted, moving more of himself onto Loki and Loki felt warmth flow through his chest. The fear coiled there being pushed out.

He gasped openly when Heimdall moved his hand down Loki’s arm gently, slowly pressing his fingers between Loki’s when he reached his hand. Loki pressed his fingers gently against the man’s neck and gripped his hand firmly in the dark.

There was something he needed to say. To ask. But he was unsure. Unsure that he wanted the answer. Unsure that he wanted to voice his question and therefore bring yet another fear to light. He bit his lip and closed his eyes. He took a deep breath and forced himself to feel the weight of Heimdall on top of him, to feel everything that weight meant to him.

“Will you be here in the morning?” Loki whispered, his eyes squeezing tighter in the dark, lightening flashed behind them he was shutting them so tight.

“If you want me to be here, then I will be here.” Heimdall said. Like it was that simple. Loki opened his eyes, Heimdall’s warmth soothing him.

“Stay.” Loki said, simply. And then, after a moment.

“Please.”

Heimdall pushed himself up a little, Loki clasped his hand tighter, fearing that he was going to leave. The man looked at him, seeing him perfectly in the darkness no doubt. Loki felt warmth on his cheek as Heimdall cradled his face gently, brushing his thumb over Loki skin slowly.

“I will. Now sleep. I’ll be here. You’re not going anywhere. I’ll make sure of that, my prince.” His sentiment turning to a tease and dragging a surprised laugh out of Loki.

He settled down onto Loki once again, his weight a pleasant presence. His weight fighting off the feeling that Loki would simply float away in the night and disappear into the darkness again.

Loki lay in the dark, his eyes falling shut gently as sleep pressed in. He forced them open one last time, looking down at Heimdall in the dark.

“Thank you.” He murmured, his words heavy with sleep. He didn’t hear an answer, if there was one. All he heard was his own breathing mingling with Heimdall’s, the sound bringing him peace. Bringing him peace just as the man weighing him down did. Every night.

Heimdall comes to Loki in the darkness. And brings him peace.

**Author's Note:**

> hahahahah helloooo friends! so yeah, this is uh...this is new to me. i literally had one sentence for these two run through my brain and then...i got fucked up. i'm in this hole now and i think i'm mostly alone and i'm gonna suffer. but...i'm gonna drag everyone i can down with me. so...i'm sorry. but hopefully...welcome. also i like...am kind of really proud of this, like..just the tone of it i think... i don't know i'm just feeling proud and so yeah. i hope you like it guys! <3 <3


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